An Open Letter To The GODdess

August 30, 2009 Drafts

Dear Goddess,

I was at Whole Foods yesterday, dutifully shopping for organic, vegan, sustainable and sundry goods.  It was a warm sultry day, and I had spent the entire morning meditating, praying, and generally worshiping YOU. So, there I was, in whole foods, feeling rather content and somewhat divine.  There was a sample of garlic bread laid out, and I expected that taking a sample of said garlic bread would be an minor moment in my life.

I Placed the garlic bread in my mouth, and sent up a silent prayer to you as I always did before eating.  Suddenly, my throat constricted, pain shot through me, and i could no longer breath.  I realized that I was choking, choking in whole foods, on a little morsel of garlic bread.  No one noticed, and i stood, hacking and wailing, unable to breath for what felt like hours before freeing the garlic bread from my throat.

Something came quite clear to me during my near death experience.  As I turned from light at the end of the tunnel and returned to whole foods, it hit me with a sudden clarity that YOU have long abandoned me. Goddess, how could you have let this happen to me?? I have been nothing but your loyal and divine servant, and you turn on me NOW in WHOLE FOODS????    I am angry, confused, and no longer know what to think.

GODDESS, IF YOU BOTHER TO READ MY BLOG ANYMORE, KNOW THIS:  I AM FURIOUS with YOU!!!  I am even considering deleting you as a friend on facebook, and if you had a phone number, i WOULD ERASE IT.

I am expecting a apology from you in the next week, or as GOD is my witness, we ARE AT WAR.

Blessed Be,
Lauren

PS. I am adding a picture of Whole Foods, as you clearly weren’t there watching over me yesterday.

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One Comment Add your own

  • 1. Diana Goddess of the Hunt  |  September 6, 2009 at 8:05 pm

    My dear syster,
    Please take a moment to breath deeply and reflect for a moment before renouncing the G*ddess. After all, you were not fully abandoned. You are still here to breathe and reflect.
    Perhaps she, in all of her wisdom, was trying to teach and enlighten you, and gifted you with a near-death-experience to make sure you got her lesson loud and clear.
    Perhaps. . . . she was trying to say that just because it’s sold in Whole Foods, does not mean the food is G*ddess approved. There are many, many foods in the supermarket (dare I even enter the produce isle!) she may not support the use of, but let us save that for another blog entry and focus on the particular food you were eating when you were given the blessing: Garlic Bread
    I don’t think it was the garlic the G*ddess had qualms with. Garlic is empowering cure for many ailment our womyn ancestors have been using for thousands of years.
    I think the G*ddess may have been sending you a message about WHEAT.
    Wheat is a huge industry (about 20% of all crops grown in the US are wheat). It is in everything, from cereal to sandwhiches to soups to pasta. . . . it is often hard to find a meal in this culture that does not have wheat.
    And yet! “It has been recently published that around 15% of all human have wheat intolerance, but experts say that the real number is a lot higher and that the patients just don’t know that they are patients and that they do suffer from wheat intolerance.” (http://wheatintolerance.blogspot.com/) and “30 percent of people in the baking industry is believed to have developed occupation asthma because of allergies or intolerance to wheat and flower.” (http://www.allergies-team.com/a17-help-i-am-allergic-to-wheat.php)
    Our male dominated society has become too dependent on wheat, a grain dangerous to many.
    There are many other grains to nourish our bodies. Perhaps the G*ddess wants you to try amaranth, quinoa, or buckwheat. Or something made from tapioca or rice flour.
    Hail G*ddess!


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