Does The Goddes Condone this behavior? I’m Not sure…gk8KIROJXo01iziwHGYw87vZo1_500

4 comments October 21, 2009

Breasts… we love ’em!

2 comments October 6, 2009

The Goddess and I are BFF again!

The Goddess and I ARE TOTTALLY BEST FRIENDS again!!!!!

In order to repair the damage I did to Goddess’s feeling during our brief yet hostile fight, I have sworn to spend ever hour of my life volunteering at Womyn Cenetered non-profits.  The Goddess has blessed me with a volunteer position at a local gay and lesbian center.  Today i spent the morning eating gluten free cashew  treats, and discussing lesbianism in a dimly lit rec room.   Ah, sweet life.

By the way… A side note:

Chang ONE letter in the name Anne Geddes….. and you get Anne Goddess!!!   Coincidence? I think not.

More On Goddess Geddes To come!

1 comment September 27, 2009

Goddess, I’m thinking about calling a truce…

Goddess,

this fight has been going on now for what feels like ages.  We’ve both said a lot of things we regret, and I wonder if we can’t just be friends again?  I’ve spent the whole last day meditating, fasting, recycling and making flower pots out of discarded tin cans found by the side of the road.  I take back all the horrible things I said.

Please send me a sign,

HAIL

1 comment September 11, 2009

Goddess, We are in a fight!

Goddess, It has been over a week since I almost died in whole foods.  I have been so angry with you that yesterday I ate two hamburgers, half a hot dog, and some potato salad. None of it was organic, free range, or even accompanied by a vegetable.

At a loss for my faith in you, I’m no longer sure what to do.  If I stop recycling, will that get your attention? If I don’t find a new reason to resume worshiping you within the next week, this will be my new idol:

2 comments September 8, 2009

An Open Letter To The GODdess

Dear Goddess,

I was at Whole Foods yesterday, dutifully shopping for organic, vegan, sustainable and sundry goods.  It was a warm sultry day, and I had spent the entire morning meditating, praying, and generally worshiping YOU. So, there I was, in whole foods, feeling rather content and somewhat divine.  There was a sample of garlic bread laid out, and I expected that taking a sample of said garlic bread would be an minor moment in my life.

I Placed the garlic bread in my mouth, and sent up a silent prayer to you as I always did before eating.  Suddenly, my throat constricted, pain shot through me, and i could no longer breath.  I realized that I was choking, choking in whole foods, on a little morsel of garlic bread.  No one noticed, and i stood, hacking and wailing, unable to breath for what felt like hours before freeing the garlic bread from my throat.

Something came quite clear to me during my near death experience.  As I turned from light at the end of the tunnel and returned to whole foods, it hit me with a sudden clarity that YOU have long abandoned me. Goddess, how could you have let this happen to me?? I have been nothing but your loyal and divine servant, and you turn on me NOW in WHOLE FOODS????    I am angry, confused, and no longer know what to think.

GODDESS, IF YOU BOTHER TO READ MY BLOG ANYMORE, KNOW THIS:  I AM FURIOUS with YOU!!!  I am even considering deleting you as a friend on facebook, and if you had a phone number, i WOULD ERASE IT.

I am expecting a apology from you in the next week, or as GOD is my witness, we ARE AT WAR.

Blessed Be,
Lauren

PS. I am adding a picture of Whole Foods, as you clearly weren’t there watching over me yesterday.

1 comment August 30, 2009

Weeping Vagina

I wrote a poem in my journal, and have decided to share it with YEE, my loyal fans. I intend to read at the next spoken word poetry slam at my local organic coffee shop.

Weeping Vagina

Silently,
the wet orbs slip out.

Tears of ecstasy…
… or of sorrow?

shiny pink pearls

………..Tell us,

O Weeping Vagina,
…………….What are
………you………….
……………. feeling?

Add a comment August 29, 2009

Dolphin Glory

The other night I was taking a brisk stroll along a crowded street, when I came across this, the most important piece of art ever made:IMG_0101As you can see, it is a a glass section of the ocean, within which swim two glorious dolphins. A third dolphin ejects herself out of the wave.

IMG_0106Its tragic to see the most important piece of art ever made crammed haphazardly into this chintzy store window.  I’m on a mission to liberate the piece, and bring it safely to my home, where it will worshiped appropriately.

Add a comment August 27, 2009

Divine Shower

Whenever I have a house guest, they invariably compliment my shower.  Usually they tell me my shower is divine.  Foolishly, I had never given this compliment much thought, assuming they were refering to a combination of my plumbing and organic essential oiled body washes.  Today as i stepped into my shower the goddess struck me with a lighting bolt straight to my soul, and I saw the truth.IMG_0100I realized that my Shower is actually one of the sacred temples of Goddess worship manifested in the physical world. I invite all of my Goddess Worshiping systers to come enjoy the warm healing powers of my Golden Shower.

1 comment August 24, 2009

The Penis Problem

It has been brought to my attention  that there have been some rumblings of disquiet from the  Womyn/Goddess/Systers of our sacred E space about the recent addition of a few Male Humans to our community.

First of all, I would like to assure you I hate most human males, just as much as the rest of the you. In fact, I can hardly tell most men apart, they pretty much all look like this to me:

However, after my intense relationship with Axeotamrius rose, my prized male feline companion, I have come to the conclusion that some men are acceptable.  Clearly, this still rules out 99% of most human males on the planet.

I have put together some criteria to help us all know when a human male is acceptable for friendship/aquantencship:

A persistent and pervasive pattern of gentle admiration for all living beings on the planet, as well a spiritual connection to the universe and beyond.  The Male must also meet at least four criteria from A-E for a period of one year or Longer:

A. He Worships The Goddess

B.  He recycles

C. He was born without a Penis

D. He is Vegan, or at least Vegetarian

E.  He does not watch TV, Or care about Sports

F. Is not better explained by a general medical condition

Add a comment August 8, 2009

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